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Since my last post, Davis turned 1 - now he is 15 months old...SO hard to believe! He has had several illnesses this Spring including croup, colds, and a stomach bug - mainly due to him getting out, staying active, and socializing with other kids. We found out he has a slightly underactive thyroid, but it does not require medication at this time. All other medical reports including cardiovascular have been as good as we can expect! Along with his early intervention, physical therapy, and feeding therapy, he attends play gym, music, church nursery, yoga childcare, Wee Buddies support group outings, and play dates. We took our annual vacation to the beach and plan to visit his aunt, uncle, and cousin in Florida during the summer as well. We plan on swim lessons next month, and in the Fall he will attend a Parents' Day Out program at a local church. Now that's a busy 1-year old!
The biggest news is that Davis is going to be a big brother! AND, it's a boy! We haven't named him yet - he is due in October, which means they'll be about 19-20 months apart. The pregnancy is progressing as smooth as pie. And in case you are wondering, we did not do the recommended extra prenatal testing - we saw no reason to step foot in the high risk facility unless something specifically about this pregnancy triggered a need to do so, and we accept this little boy as he is just as we have Davis. They'll keep this mama busy, but I know they will be lifelong buddies. I never dreamed I would be in a house full of boys, but I am very much looking forward to it. :) Even our cats are boys except for my old lady cat who may not be around much longer.
I'm happy to finally provide an update on Davis - I continue to get several hits per day on the blog, and it bothers me that I don't take the time to do it anymore; but I simply do not like to sit at the computer, especially being pregnant because when I do get down-time, I like to sleep! However, what has really brought me back to the blog today are the thoughts that have been swirling through my mind lately.
I have had a long time now (19 months to be exact) to reflect on Davis's diagnosis of Down Syndrome, as well as my reaction to it as his mother. I find myself comparing my thoughts, feelings, and actions to those of other mothers of children with special needs, and I compare our situation to the situations of other families with special circumstances. I also find myself thinking about people who maybe haven't found themselves in extraordinary circumstances, but endure their own personal struggles; and I think about how I don't find my situation to be anymore unbearable than theirs.
As anyone who knows me or who follows this blog knows, coping with Davis's diagnosis has not been very difficult for me. I'm sure there are some who think that perhaps I put up a front, that maybe I don't truly feel as positively as I say I do. Sure, I've had some tough moments; but the truth is, I don't feel burdened by Davis, I don't find myself unlucky to be in this situation, I don't (well, rarely) have negative thoughts about his present or future...I take it day by day, look at the big picture, and count my blessings. Am I perfect? Heck no, but typically my stresses are dirty floors, busy schedules, to-do lists, hormones, finding the right outfit, etc... (which all get to me way more than they should); they are not "what are people thinking of my child?" or "what will he be doing 20 years from now?" or "when is my child ever going to learn to walk?". Do these thoughts cross my mind? Yep - in one second, out the next.
So what do I dwell on? My son's sweet smile and laugh, his unbearably cute hands and feet, the way he says "mama," how to best make him happy and feel secure, the opportunity to be a mother, to feel this baby move inside me, my marriage, my absolutely wonderful family and friends, how peaceful our backyard is, taking advantage of beautiful days, keeping myself and my family healthy, how wonderful it is to be alive, and how much I truly love my life. The list goes on.
I have moments and days in which my thoughts aren't all rainbows and butterflies (just ask Matt or a member of my family); but for the most part, this is really how I think. It wasn't always that way. I have only been able to feel this way as I began to live life more spiritually...which just happened to coincide with the gift of my beautiful son.
The world is populated with a bajillion people. Some children are born into harsh environments, unloving families, or poverty; some have serious birth defects, only live for an hour, or lose their mothers. Some people don't have the freedom to believe what they want, eat what they want, wear what they want, marry whom they want... In our culture we are conditioned to believe that we must have this perfect life, in this perfect house, with this perfect family, in this perfect body... It is extremely difficult for many of us to accept flaws in ourselves or in others and appreciate diversity. We are so quick to judge ourselves and others when an imperfection arises. Most of us are just freakin' spoiled!
I think when we see the bigger picture, our perspectives change and we realize that things are just not that bad.
I just see no reason to go through life with a chip on my shoulder or a "woe is me" attitude. I see no reason to get angry when someone makes a comment about my son that maybe isn't politically correct, but no harm is meant. I see no reason to feel badly that my son isn't walking or talking or whatever it is that other kids his age do; he is his own person with his own unique set of gifts just like every other child with or without special needs. I see no reason to worry about his future when we are still living today, the one day I know we have.
We are all unique. We each have our own challenges - every single one of us!
I know Davis will have to endure many struggles throughout his life directly related to his Down Syndrome. Those struggles are different from the ones his brother will face, or his cousins, or his classmates. People may stare, criticize, laugh, joke, or cause harm...but I will always be proud. My wish is that Davis will always be proud. And I know that with each person who offers an offensive remark or action, there are a hundred others who have been positively impacted by his existence.
My point in all this is to hopefully make a positive influence to someone who may be enduring a struggle. I hope that by living in a way that is consistent with the thoughts I have laid out above that I can have an impact and leave someone or something in the world better because of it. I hope if you are still reading my ramblings that perhaps you understand my perspective a little better; and whatever your struggle is in life, I hope you are able to appreciate the "rainbows and butterflies" as often as you can...because they are always there!
